01/16/05 -- Be REAL or don’t be anything at all...

Current mood: irritated

I cannot believe how far I have come in my life.

So many things have happened, yet I am still me. Fires, deaths, losses, strengths, achievements, setbacks. Most in the past 5 years alone. My life has been one endless carnival ride – a tilt-a-whirl, maybe, or a roller coaster. Or maybe a ferris wheel…I hate those. My hair is still curly, my legs still badass, my upper half still too pudgy for my taste, and my eyes are still bluish green…but it seems that I am changed, in some small way.

Maybe it happened somewhere along the way when I discovered that boys actually did notice me, and not just because I was the token girl next door. Maybe it happened when I got hurt, mentally, from a few guys and found my spirit that had been hidden when I was a weakling. Maybe it happened when I lost 40 pounds and began to like myself once again and get my self esteem back after all this time. Maybe it happened when I finally got my AA (after five years of insanity) and realized, for the first time in a long time, that I was proud of myself: realized that I was proud to be ME.

I know people, many people, that boast of their accomplishments…and not even for their own sakes. They brag that they have their BA, or more, or an apartment. They brag about their boyfriends, or their new jobs and throw money around like their business cards…but MY accomplishments are my own, and I don’t need to brag about them or have someone envy me to make them real; they are real to me because I have worked my ass off for them. It took me five whole years to get my AA and, while there are a few that see me as some sort of bum for only having THAT, I am so happy that I stuck to it and got it done. To me, it was no mean feat, given all that has happened to me since I graduated high school.

Does it really matter how much letters we accumulate after our name, or how many hours we spent in school? PHD MD MA BA AA…? Does anyone, really, honestly, give a shit if you are a dead doctor? No. They give a shit if you’re a PERSON who has saved someone’s life by pulling them out of a burning house or helped enact a peace treaty. Are you a cancer survivor or a single mother that pushed yourself through college to GET those degrees? Did you immigrate here and learn English so that you could get an education, earn a degree to help advance you and your family? Then your accomplishment will MEAN something to me, to everyone else…and most especially to YOU.

I’ve seen some profiles from guys who are full of themselves b/c they think that having so much alphabet soup after their names qualifies them for some sort of “bachelor of the year award”. Well, not in MY book, buddy. What do you have to interest me? So you were born lucky and have been on a free ride through the best schools in the country thanks to mommy & daddy and didn’t even had to work for your Harvard degree when others are BUSTING THEIR ASSES (and bank accounts) to do the same. What do you do when the power goes out & you can’t log onto the computer to tell girls all around the world what a catch you are? What do you do, then? Do you take a trip to the mountains, or the beach? Do you hit the arcades or comic book shops? If you go to the movies, what kind of films do you watch? NOW we’re getting somewhere! Think of that the next time you write something. With FEELING! A lot of my friends/family have money…it doesn’t impress me, and is actually a bit of a turn off if the guy that comes with it is as likeable as a cardboard cutout. Impress me with your wit, not your (or your parent’s) wallet! LOL.

MySpace is a funny place. I’ve just joined, and already I’ve met a ton of incredible people…most of which would probably would lose their novelty if you REALLY met them in person. Though there are the exceptions – I adore a few guys I am talking to online, mainly because they are not fake and can actually carry on a conversation. There are so many people that are plastering their scantily clad appendages all over their webcams and others frantically typing out letters to make themselves sound cooler than they probably are…and for what? So that some dude or chick across the country could get a few chuckles or a free show? Please. Be REAL or don’t be anything at all.