The Power of Paper

Anthro 5

Magic, Witchcraft and Religion

2.9.01

1. Vocabulary:

1. Church- Contains the sacred shrine of the holy manuscripts known as ‘comic books’.

2. Apostle- A true servant of the Gods, an Apostle can recite in detail events contained within the books throughout the ages and has a comprehensive knowledge of the comic book industry itself. Apostles can also recognize a book’s author or artist by sight alone. Although there are a small amount of female Apostles, an Apostle is usually male in gender.

3. Parishioner- A Parishioner comprehends surface details of the comic book industry and is interested in less than 3 books at one time. Unlike an Apostle, a Parishioner cannot differentiate the works of the Gods by sight alone, although fully appreciative of the work laid out before them. Has limited vocabulary where comics are concerned- the average parishioner has never heard words such as ‘Overstreet’, ‘CLAMP’ or ‘Slave Labor Graphics’.

4. Practitioner- Includes Parishioners and Apostles. A Practitioner has taken the pilgrimage to the holy shrine.

5. Priest- The Guardian entrusted with the honor of protecting and managing the shrine…possesses a higher power and authority than an Apostle. Has access to the Gods, whose work is contained within the holy tomes. Though highly scarce, there have been unconfirmed rumors of existing Priestesses. For instructional purposes, the term ‘Priest’ will be used exclusively in this manual.

6. Pulpit- The upraised platform where contributions are totaled and receipt is given.

2. Ritual Procedures- Repetitive & Sequential:

· The Practitioner opens the door, greets the Priest, turns left then right to get around the pulpit, and then proceeds to walk approximately 5 steps in a straight line. Destination: the weekly comic book shipment situated against the middle racks on the left side of the Church.

· Important! While en route, the Practitioner must take care to duck once they have passed the television situated across from the Pulpit. This enables the Priest uninterrupted access to sports broadcasting.

· Once this location has been attained, the Practitioner analyzes the weekly comic book shipment counter-clockwise from the top of the new release racks. They then are to place any chosen items into their outstretched hands.

· The Practitioner then turns around in a swift clockwise motion and checks to see if any of the comics on the counter catch their interest… if so, he/she then adds the issues to the pile already formed in their hands.

· A true Apostle would then check to see if the monthly issue of Animerica arrived with the weekly shipments and add these books to their growing pile of sacred texts. If these books are not available they are to proceed to the Pulpit immediately.

· Once at the Pulpit, the Priest takes the items and says the following: “Is that going to be all for you today?”

The Practitioner then responds with: “Yes Sir.”

· Thus, the items are tallied and payment is requested. Once the Practitioner bequeaths contribution to the Priest, the chosen books are placed in a bright blue satchel and the transaction is finalized.

· Praise is given and the Practitioner advances excitedly out the door of the Church, the blessings of the Gods clutched in their arms.

3. Ritual Procedures- Non-Ordinary:

· Practitioners compromise less than 5% of local population- and only .5% of the 5% are female

· There are only 2 Churches within the entirety of San Benito County- both are managed by Priest Mifsud.

· Only 1 day a week is devoted to comic book shipments: Wednesday afternoons. Shipments arrive at 1:00.

4. Ritual Procedures- Powerful:

· Being that the shipments only arrive Wednesday at 1:00PM, excruciating pain ensues among Practitioners at 1:05PM when they have read the sacred texts and realized that they must wait seven days until the Gods will again bless them and temporarily quench their thirst…the gut wrenching AGONY! Comics are quite powerful indeed.

· A Priest’s power is not to be underestimated. They have the enviable responsibility of deciding which texts to order…and which to deny. Last minute modifications to an ordering shipment can change the course of history!

· A Priest also guards the proverbial gates of Paradise. Astounding imagery and vivid font styles surrounds him on a daily basis, giving him unadulterated pleasure and well-being. Only a Priest can read through any comic in its entirety without having to pay for the book itself. True, an Apostle can swiftly peruse a book without permission, but to a mere Parishioner, this is taboo.

· It has the ability to transport the worshipper to another dimension- a fantasyland where myth becomes reality and many characters are ideal in both mind & body...except the villains. J

· To a practitioner, what is in a comic book IS a reflection of personality, style and beauty within the ‘real world’. Therefore, pictures and text within a comic book actually influence how a reader views much of a given society. Anything that can influence a person that much is a force to be reckoned with!

· Lastly, a comic book is a means of Unification. People rarely find those that whose interests line up so exactly with their own - to find such a person is a gift that must be cherished. The devoted comic book-reading community is like no other…there is not much that pertains to the Industry that escapes its attention or comments. Once inside a Church, a Practitioner feels a sense of well being and familiarity that is very difficult to abstain from, no matter what the monthly expense. A true comic book reader is a reader for a lifetime, not a season and there is nothing quite as sappy as seeing a 70 year old reader.

It is because of all these tenets that I believe that my weekly trip to Bill’s Bullpen qualifies as a ritual. In my opinion, if a person loves something so much that they will devote prearranged time exclusively to its worship and if the event itself leaves the Practitioner feeling changed in some way, then I think that it qualifies as Ritual. To my way of thinking, many acts that many may find ordinary are in actuality quite extraordinary and should not be taken for granted. Many people don’t realize how lucky they are compared to others internationally. In my case, I realized that not only was I lucky enough to be able to READ (which puts me in a minority as it is), but I am also lucky to be able to have extra money to devote on what many people would argue is a means of throwing my money down the toilet. There are so many people who don’t even have money to buy bread to feed their families with! It made me feel very blessed in comparison, so I decided to write this funny little essay to show how very rewarding comic book collecting can be to a person who appreciates and respects the power of paper.